mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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