she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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