Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize