There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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