You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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