Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
