i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
