he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
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I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
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A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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