i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
