Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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