No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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