I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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