would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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