guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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