I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
