And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
