im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
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i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
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It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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