He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
