He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
