what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
well I can't set my house on fire every night
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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