Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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