Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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