it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
