Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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