I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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