Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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