When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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