My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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