Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
