i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We're too hungover to prance.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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