it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
