At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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