She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
