i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
