does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
