That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
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We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
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Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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