You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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