He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
