i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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