Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
