i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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