I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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