Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
