Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
