don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
