Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Only a mothe r could love this liver
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
