what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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