um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
