Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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