well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I will pee on everything he values.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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