I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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