Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
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His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
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We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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