literally had 100 drinks last night.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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