at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
this beer tastes like vomit already
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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