Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
