Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
