Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
farters have to be the big spoon...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You can't just leave with hair like that
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
