Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
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Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
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i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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