that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
