Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
