We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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