oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
