You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
