I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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