Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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