I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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