its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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