Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
