Me. At least after what I've been through.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
