Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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