My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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