I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
