thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
