I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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