and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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