I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
