can we get nightvision for the apartment?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
dude. I can hear the air.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
