i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
