Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
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He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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