Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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