you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
