There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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